Of course a lot has been on my mind lately, more than normal, and how can it not be when I’m 17 weeks pregnant with my first (and ONLY) child? But really the forefront of my thoughts has been focused on Manifestation.
Oh that beautiful, magical, powerful, and mysterious word.
I have done a lot of manifesting in my life. A lot was unintentional and lead to some less than pleasant experiences – some that lasted several years.
It wasn’t until a year after my father died and I finally realized I needed to see a therapist that I started to realize my own spiritual power. He taught me self hypnosis in times of anxiety or stress and he taught me cognitive behavioral therapy to alter my frame of mind from its tendency toward the negative to a tendency toward the positive.
Up until that point I had no idea that all the ‘two steps back’ my life kept taking away from my dreams and goals were because of me and how I let my train of thought go, especially all the negative self talk. I spent so much of my life blaming the world and people around me for all the ‘terrible’ things that kept happening to me that I never took the time to realize that everything that was happening to me was happening because of me.
As soon as I realized the power of my own thoughts, as in how my thoughts and mindset can manipulate the world around me, great things came my way.
Here are a few examples:
In November 2013 I realized my 3+ year relationship needed to end. I didn’t know how to leave or where to go. All my friends seemed to be shared with my partner in the tiny village we were such a part of. I had a dog and jobs I loved and couldn’t afford to live alone. I felt lost and so, so stuck in a relationship that wasn’t nurturing my needs or my spirit. Then one day I hung out with a dear friend who was my friend, not his, and had so much fun with her, her partner, and their roommate in Durham. I decided to stay the night at their house and was encouraged to move in because their other roommate had just moved out and there was a room available. Bam! Just like that, I had somewhere to go, to be safe, to heal, and close to my jobs. It was the perfect place for me to be as I transitioned into a new phase of my life, a me phase. I didn’t realize at the time that I manifested this. The moment I realized I needed to leave I was unknowingly asking the Universe for direction.
A few months later my car starting dying on me. I was sinking paycheck after paycheck into this car and knew I had put in more money than she was worth. I also knew I was leaving soon to head west and needed a newer, bigger, more reliable car for my dog and me. I started asking the Universe:
“What needs to shift for me to sell this car and find a better one that I can afford?”
I asked that question once a day and didn’t allow myself to think about it after. I simply trusted it would be answered at the right time.
I put my car up on Craigslist and waited, and waited, and waited, until suddenly my dear friend told me she needed to buy a car and wanted a Volvo like mine, and she needed to buy it immediately. It was perfect because I felt so attached to that car and hated the idea of a stranger buying it. This friend of mine had a friend who wanted to teach her how to work on Volvos, which was ideal considering the old thing seemed to always need work done.
Long story short (sorry, I know I’m a rambler), I found the perfect new(ish) vehicle on CarMax and met my friend in the parking lot where we exchanged money and title. She drove off with my old Volvo and I went in and bought my newish car. Just. Like. That.
It must be noted all this happened within a week of releasing the simple question into the Universe. Bam!
Around this same week was my little sister’s wedding and with that came a feeling of “woe is me, my lil’ sis is getting hitched and less than a year ago I thought I was with the man I’d marry, now I’m single and alone and lonely and I just want THAT.”
Keep in mind that up until then I’d been fully basking in the “self-love, heal thyself, I don’t need a relationship to be happy, blah blah blah…” phase and I was SO happy and totally loving it. But I guess I just felt really good about where I was I realized I wanted someone to share that with.
Cue the magical question:
“What needs to shift for me to find the love of my life?”
One day later in walks Jonathan. Again. We met online in 2003 when I was 17 and he was 19 and spent 3 years pouring our souls out to each other in private online chat. We finally met in person and wow, awkward. He did his thing, I did mine, we ran into each other here and there but the timing was never right. We lost touch from late 2008 until…I asked the question. He found me on Facebook and the pouring of the souls commenced. All day, every day, then we called each other and that became a thing, then we agreed to meet up one afternoon for a stroll through the woods. That afternoon was 8 days after I began asking the question. The timing was right this time and toward the end of our visit as we drank hot tea on the porch I told him my life’s dream. To find a man who will love me in spite of myself and marry me, have a child with me, travel the world with me, and live simplistically with me. He looked at me and said “I’m your soulmate.” I knew it was true.
Now we’re married 2+ years and have a baby on the way living in beautiful New Mexico after traveling around in an old RV for a couple months. All of these things came about thanks to the question.
Occasionally I get bogged down with stress and worry and late it consume me. This usually lasts for about a month before I remember “oh yah! Ask the Universe!” Then I do and the great and powerful Universe (or God…everyone prefers a different name but I believe it’s all the same power) answers that question within a couple of weeks. It’s pretty damn badass.