Today is Thanksgiving. My in laws are in town, since last Friday. They’ll be here soon. Jonathan is at work. I’m here enjoying a peaceful morning alone at home able to meditate on this past week without interruption. The chaos of cooking will begin in a couple hours when my in laws arrive.

This week has been a hell of a ride but it all leads me to immense gratitude.

Yes, as I wrote in my previous post, my job hours were cut and we still have absolutely no clue how we’re going to afford the upcoming tax season and maternity leave. But, we now know we will be leaving Taos next year after the baby is born.

Jonathan’s parents are in the process of selling their house in North Carolina and finding a new place to buy in Edwardsville, IL, a suburb of St. Louis, MO. They’re asked us to join them. Not live in the same house, per se, because that would be so, so not fun, but rather find a house on some land we can live in and they build a structure they can live in…or something along those lines. We still don’t know how all that will fall in place but we do know we need to be there and not here.

Taos has fed a part of my soul I knew for 10 years needed to be fed. I dreamed for ages of living in the wild deserty west and the past two+ years have certainly been beautiful in many aspects. There’s no place as beautiful, mystical, rich in history, dark history (the kind I’m drawn to) as Taos, at least not that I’ve seen. This place is magical and haunting. But, it’s hard to survive and since we’ve moved here I’ve struggled personally, and we’ve struggled financially and thus as a young married couple. Neither of us want to work so much we can’t see each other, or our kid, and still barely get food on the table. With a child on the way we have to consider him and the kind of family we want to have with him. We want our quality of life to far outweigh the cost of life, but in Taos it’s the other way around.

The pros of Edwardsville are as follows:

#1 town in IL for young families with children (plus there’s amazing playgrounds!)

Up and coming artist community.

Rolling hills.

20 mins from downtown St. Louis, a city with many job opportunity, so many free museums, free zoo, excellent public transportation, and a growing population of other young families like ours.

Very affordable housing, both to own or rent, but decent to well paying jobs.

Bike trails from Edwardsville into St. Louis.

Family right there to help with childcare. (This is possibly the number one reason I’m excited about this prospect)

Excellent schools if we decide not to home/unschool our son.

Chicago is only 4 hours away (which is good for my leather business).

The Great Lakes for summer vacations are also just a short couple hours northeast.

Much closer to NC and my own family.


Still has cold snowy winters that are essential for our husky Katja.

Being close to my mother in law who is also an artist who can help nurture my business as I help nurture hers. The possibility of contributing to the budding artist community and possibly having our own shop downtown in the future truly makes my heart skip a beat and my eyes fill with happy tears…none of that is possible in Taos.

Less financial strain and big life question marks which can allow for a more peaceful and loving marriage between Jonathan and I.

Less financial strain allowing for more trips and travel with our son.

As you can see there’s so many reasons to go.

The big question of how we’re going to come up with $5k in 4.5 months to cover taxes and maternity leave while we barely make it paycheck to paycheck remains unanswered but I’ve released it into the Universe and know it’ll be okay and all work out, because it always does.

My faith was growing stronger and stronger until last Thursday when it got hardcore rocked but losing significant work hours. After a day of legit sobbing I realized this only meant I needed to really let go and trust because there was nothing I could do. Then the next night my in laws arrived with this proposition and as soon as we agreed they got their first offer on their house that’s been on the market for almost 2 months. If that’s not an answer that we’re moving in the right direction and the Universe is listening I don’t know what it.

This has been a week of letting go and trusting, of not fretting, not worrying.

I am thankful today, and every day, for the connection I have with all things living (and dead, but that’s another story…) and the love I feel from the Universe, my husband, my animals, my family, in laws, and my little baby squirming in my belly who I can’t wait to meet in just 18.5 weeks.

Love does conquer all.


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