a life of zero regrets

Processed with VSCO with t1 preset
Processed with VSCO with t1 preset

I’ve never really been one for regrets. Every decision I make seems to be pretty rash and I don’t allow myself time to think it through. I jump head first into my decisions, even if that decision just popped out of nowhere.

Perhaps I just wholeheartedly trust my intuition. Perhaps I’m just a creator of stories, my own, to share.

This morning I’ve been thinking about all of the sudden decisions I’ve made through the years and how I don’t regret any of them. From evil clown tattoos on my back, breaking a lease to skip town, various boyfriends I’ve been with, to leaving a relationship and homestead of 3.5 years, marrying someone I only dated a couple months (but knew off and on for 11 years), quitting jobs, living on the road, and settling down in a place foreign in every way with zero friends or jobs prospects. I don’t regret a single choice. They all created the person I am, they all taught me lessons – good and bad. And they all come with an interesting story.

My 20s took me from my parents home in super rural NC to living in a “big” city. I partied, clubbed, wore high heels and makeup, got tattoo after tattoo and piercing after piercing, I dated this guy then that guy, I didn’t pay my bills, I got hooked on painkillers chased with bottles of red wine. Then one day, 3.5 years later, I realized I didn’t like my life and I wouldn’t survive much longer if I kept at the pace I was living. I broke my lease, quit my job and moved back home to rural NC to clean up my life. 5 months later I was living in a different rural village on a river in a house with two strangers and happier than I’d been in years, if ever. I went back to college for Sustainable Agriculture and became a part of the community of this sweet, beautiful, village. I jumped into another relationship that lasted 3.5 years. We bought a house together, raised chickens, built a large garden, and went swimming and kayaking in the river. Then one day I knew my soul was missing something. I wanted marriage, a child, and to travel and live in the desert. I spent a year trying to convince my partner to no avail. So, I suddenly left. No warning, to him or myself. I packed my bags and moved in with some new friends in another “big” city. I meditated, took up yoga, had a bike accident that knocked out my front teeth, I laughed through the pain and meditated some more. I read books (please refer to the Recommended Reading section), quit my job, and started another new job. Then I reconnected with Jonathan Sumner. A month into our re-connection I proposed to him on a walk that ended in a gazebo in a private Ashram. He said “yes” then 3.5 months later we got hitched in my mom’s backyard and hit the road in an old RV we spent the summer renovating. We didn’t know how long our trip would take or where we would land but we were headed to the desert. The day we landed in Taos we decided to stay. Then, I decided it was time for a baby. 16 months later baby boy was a seed in my womb. 2.5 years after landing in Taos I’m now 8 weeks from baby’s due date and planning another big adventure come June (more on that later).

I’m 31 weeks pregnant. Almost 31 years old. Married. Living in the desert. And I already feel like I’ve lived a pretty vibrant and rich life. I make decisions and I dive in without looking back. I trust myself. I trust my intuition. I listen to my heart and I know it’ll never lead me astray. Every day I am growing stronger and teaching myself more.

These were just my 20s. I’m excited to see how adventurous my 30s will be with my husband and son at my side.

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